A (slightly sappy) Thought

I remember there's a quote in Firefly (I think in 'Heart of Gold') about what happens when you get connected to people. Basically Inara is saying she needs to leave the ship because she's seen what can happen when people can get attached, that you "are dragged down and pulled under by the web of love, and you can't leave, and you don't want to".

I can identify with that quote, I think. I love my friends and family, all of them. I love their quirks and their problems as well as their kindness and generosity and willingness to admit me into their complicated lives. But since I'm so far away from all but one of those people I would consider close to me, I've come to realize how much work it is to love (and be loved by) people. I sometimes see other teachers here who have no real connections in their land of origin, who seem so much freer to go where they want and do what they want without reference to anyone 'back home'. I envy those who aren't driven to spend hours a day answering emails and updating blogs in a hard-fought attempt to stay connected despite the distance.

And yet, I know I wouldn't ever give it up. To just sever myself from all of you lovely people who have accepted me (hairy chin and weird memory and all) is unthinkable, despite the hardship involved, despite the fact that it means I am no longer free to really enter into my Japanese life wholeheartedly. Because you see, even in the middle of all my exciting Japanese experiences I am always aware that my home is not here -- my home is where you all are. I have been sucked under the current and I'm drowning in it. I may sometimes envy those who never waded out into deeper water in the first place, those who remained as islands (to mix my metaphors utterly) unto themselves, but I love my life and I couldn't (and wouldn't) change it.