Why don't I get sentimental?

Times of departure/change always make me waver between thinking that I'm a terribly frigid person and just a realist. While other people cry and hug and get all morose, I am secretly looking for ways to depart quietly, without all the hoopla.

This isn't to say I don't miss people. I do. I can get quite emotional when leaving people I care about for long periods of time (getting on a plane to Japan for example, is something that I will need all five months I've got to steel myself up for). But this sort of corporate leave-taking that happens at the end of a school year or when graduating just kind of makes me feel fake. I figure either I know someone well enough that I will keep in touch with them when we've gone our seperate ways, or I don't know them that way and there's no need to pretend that we're bosom buddies when we're not. Occasionally I regret not getting to know some people better, but there's nothing I can do about that. And I certainly don't like to promise someone "I'll stay in touch!" or say "We'll see each other sometime!" if that's not really the truth.

I had my last big QCF event last night, and there's no doubt that that club (and the people in it) have dramatically affected my life. I have them to blame for so many things ... possibly going to divinity school, enjoying reading the bible, actually believing in wacky ol' christianity... ;) But as much as QCF has meant to me (and as much as I tried to get emotional last night) I just couldn't be the person who cries and bemoans the ending of "the best time of my life". My time there was great, and it has made me into the person I am today, but that doesn't mean that it shouldn't end. Everything ends, and we all move on.

I just hope this kind of ruthlessly pragmatic attitude doesn't mean I'm some kind of unfeeling robot who doesn't really care about people... or worse, someone who cuts herself off from really getting attached to people because she knows that they will eventually move apart... I know this isn't true, but I still kind of feel like I should be more affected by all this leaving stuff.