I am Learning. Slowly.

Thanks to a number of lovely people who care enough about me to want to help me become a better person, I've been learning a lot about myself lately. And one thing I'm learning is that I have a terrible memory (well, actually, I knew that already, but I had forgotten it for a while) so I thought I should write down these discoveries before they fly out of my head along with so many other things:

1. Thanks to a sharp mind, a keen interest in human nature, and four years of literature and religious study, I like to analyze people. I like to think I can figure why people do things and what their secret motivations are. While there is no inherent problem with this, the problem comes when I see fit to share these analyses with the people in question, usually in a tone of authority. Secondly, I don't apply the same rigourous analysis to myself. So everyone but me but gets treated to what I think they are like.

2. I talk far, far too much. And since I, in many ways, live inside my head I often don't notice when my theories or analyses actually fail to match up with reality. Or when, even if they are right, this is not the right time to be speaking about them instead of merely listening.

3. Despite liking analysis, I'm not actually that observant. I can notice subtle shifts in body language, but once I notice one thing I tend to go off in a reverie and think about that rather than keeping my eyes open for more interesting things.

4. I always make sweeping generalizations about everything. ;)

5. I am pretty good at having acquaintances, and good at maintaining close friendships, but I'm pretty bad at having regular old friends. This is because despite my facade of brash self-confidence, I am actually quite nervous around people, and so all of the above traits get amplified by my social awkwardness. And these traits, while very helpful in a one-on-one conversation between friends, are not so endearing in a casual chat with people who are just vague friends. Generally people don't want to hear my grand unified theories of psychology over a pleasant dinner after work.

It's funny -- you'd think learning all this would make me depressed... After all, it's not exactly good stuff. But while I protrayed these characteristics as weaknesses, I also know that given the right situation they can be incredible strengths. I just have to learn (and continue to be reminded by honest, caring people) when is an appropriate time to use these gifts and when is the appropriate time to keep my ideas to myself, to get out of my own head, and to give other people a chance to surprise me.